I want to write today about something that has absolutely exploded in the news over the past few weeks, that being “Abuse”. As the image above shows, “Abuse” comes in many forms. It is a VERY important topic that MUST be addressed and brought to an end. It is an issue that an alarming number of my female Clients have told me they have experienced at some point in their lives. I am writing this in hopes of shining a light for those that need help. For those that buried the event(s) deep, as they were made to feel fear and shame. Please know, it was not your fault and you are not to blame for the abuse and it is time your abuser is brought to justice for their actions.
Google defines “Abuse” as:
1. use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.
“the judge abused his power by imposing the fines”
synonyms: misuse, misapply, misemploy
2. treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly. “riders who abuse their horses should be prosecuted”
synonyms: mistreat, maltreat, ill-treat, treat badly
1. the improper use of something. “alcohol abuse”
synonyms: misuse, misapplication, misemployment
2. cruel and violent treatment of a person or animal.
“a black eye and other signs of physical abuse”
synonyms: mistreatment, maltreatment, ill-treatment
We are all aware of the sex scandal that came out about actor/comedian Bill Cosby. The latest scandal comes from Hollywood, with a long list of victims (93) coming forward against Harvey Weinstein for his alleged sexual assaults against actresses. Last week another bomb dropped on Hollywood with more allegations of sexual assaults made by James Toback against 38 actresses. I was also saddened to hear the news about actor Kevin Spacey, who last week was accused of attempting to sexually assault a male co-star, who was a minor at the time. Mr. Spacey, whom I have always enjoyed as an actor and also as a person of intellect, has since issued an apology, stating he was extremely drunk at the time of the incident and does not remember it. He further used the press release to formally announce his homosexuality. I watched all of this news unfold and simply sat there shaking my head in disbelief at how people will deflect and/or justify their behavior, no matter the cost and “who” pays for it. In Mr. Spacey’s case, he used “intoxication” as a way to dismiss what happened and that he could not remember the event. To further deflect, he formally came out as Gay – Publicists are masters at knowing how to deflect.
There was also the story a couple weeks ago about actor James Woods, who several years ago attempted to pick up actress Amber Tamblyn and her friend. Sounds innocent enough, right? Not so innocent when you read the Tweet Ms. Tamblyn posted: “James Woods tried to pick me and my friend up at a restaurant once. He wanted to take us to Vegas. ‘I’m 16’ I said. ‘Even better’ he said,”.
Actor Corey Feldman is also currently in the news talking about the massive Pedophilia ring that operates Hollywood. Mr. Feldman suffered sexual abuse as a youth and has been essentially blacklisted for his comments and is even currently worried about the safety of his family and himself due to his current media release.
Accountability. Google defines it as:
the fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility.
“their lack of accountability has corroded public respect”
responsibility, liability, answer-ability
1. “there must be accountability for the expenditure of every public cent”
I watch how people “Abuse” each other every day. It only takes a minute while driving in your car to see how people feel “entitled” to cut the other person off, have road rage (waving the middle finger, yelling/swearing, etc.). I have often said that put a person in their vehicle and they suddenly become this maniacal, invincible giant that conducts behavior they would ordinarily never think of doing. For example, I am physically not a small guy and I have never had anyone pass the line with their buggy and push it in front of mine while I am waiting at the check out of the grocery store. They likely would be concerned about me potentially physically responding. However, I have had drivers behave like this regularly while in traffic line ups. So, what is it that made the driver feel like their behavior was socially acceptable & beyond reproach? Do they feel that their vehicle is a place of “Power” and no harm or repercussions will ensue? Do they really believe that they can do what they want, behave how they want, take what they want without reprisal?
I am using this as an example because, these aggressive actions only prove to highlight the lack of regard to our fellow man/woman. The example of the bad drivers is simply a metaphor that can be used for physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, etc. All the person has to do is have “power” and suddenly, they are “untouchable”. The United States currently has a President that pre-election had been caught on hidden microphone discussing how to dominate a woman by grabbing the woman by her genitalia. It was “dismissed” as “locker room talk between men”. I beg to differ on that point. If a guy, “Joe Public”, was speaking to another guy about how he would do that behavior, he would be viewed as a rapist or sexual predator. However, if said by someone of affluence or in a position of power due to their wealth, the comment is swept under the carpet.
We can, and must bring this now to the everyday person’s “power” level, by this I mean the attacker not being a Billionaire or person of influence in a particular field. So many youths have been victimized by family abusers and then left to emotionally fester for years out of fear that they will be judged as responsible for the attack. Their attacker making threats against them if they spoke up. Threats of violence, threats of violence against fellow family members if they tell anyone, etc. If you have suffered Abuse from anyone, you MUST face your fears – they are a lie. I want you to remember the image below:
Everything you want is on the other side of fear. Justice, stopping future assaults, looking in the mirror and knowing you are no longer a victim! It takes great strength to face your fear, to face your attacker in court or in a public situation. I applaud the actions made by the actresses and actors that are not sitting back and allowing the abuse to continue and create new victims. Please know that there are many people out there that will listen to you without judging and will help!
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